Last weekend me and my Mum binge watched the Pride and Prejudice BBC series (which by the way is an absolute masterpiece and I 100% recommend watching it) and I just thought “I wish love could be that simple now”. In those times, everything had rules and regulations, you were expected to settle down quickly so you could have a family, girls where expected to be able to play an instrument, draw, sew, dance or read well, in the best circumstances all of those things. Men where expected to learn how to dance, know how to shoot, go to school and get a decent job so he could support his future wife. To meet people who were potential spouses you could attend balls and dances and to get to know the person before you made any decisions about them. It was highly irregular for a man and a woman to be in the same room without another adult present and within a short space of time, if they got on well, the Man would propose. And that was it. None of the silly nonsense we’re expected to do these days.
Now we have to go through all sorts of embarrassment before we can even begin to think of marriage. Apparently it’s weird to think “what is this person going to be like if I where to marry them” but I don’t get that, isn’t the whole point of dating so you can hopefully have someone you can be with for life? I’ve always said I would never date someone who isn’t in my religion and I stand by that and then people ask why. And I just think, isn’t it obvious?
It would be enormously stressful for me to be married to someone who isn’t a Mormon, I would be constantly thinking about that rather than having fun with the person, what if we get into loads of long hard religion debates? What would we do on Sundays? If we had kids what would they do?
And the person who has asked ‘why’ then goes “whoa, I didn’t say anything about marriage or kids” And I’m like “????? That’s the whole point of being with someone??? If marriage isn’t your thing then to at least be with them for a long period of time????”
Ugh and then there’s the mess before dating with the whole “do they like me?” thing. Why can’t we just ask, or say it? Why does it have to be mortally terrifying to go up to someone you like and say “would you like to go out with me some time?” In Pride and prejudice there’s a bit where one of the main characters does just outright say “what are your feelings towards me?” and it wasn’t embarrassing at all. Even if I don’t like the guy, if he asks, then I’m not left in the dark and he doesn’t have his hopes up. Sounds mean, but I think it’s better to just have things out in the open.
Anyway, as you can probably tell, I’ve never been in a relationship so if my way has secretly been the correct way of doing things then PLEASE TELL ME. It would be SO much easier than wondering and using subtle hinting. Ugh I hate subtle hinting. If anyone’s hinting at me to do something -romantic or otherwise- the only reaction you’ll get out of me is “if you want to say something to me JUST SAY IT and I’ll either let you down nicely or take you up on what you want to do.”. Again, if it wasn’t obvious that I know absolutely diddly squat about dating then hopefully it’s apparent now.
So many people come to me with questions about their relationships ALL THE TIME and I’m like, “do you know that I have zero experience in this field?” and I give them advice like “Just be open and honest to them” which is probably way harder than it should be- which I have another issue with by the way. Couples, if you have issues with things why don’t you talk about them? Same goes with very very new couples. If you’re ever confused about anything, for example popular thoughts seem to be, “hmm, they seem indifferent with their affections towards me” or “are we classing this as dating?” then just ask, it’s really that simple. Then you’re not constantly worried and finding yourself facebook stalking them for hours on end.
I’ve ranted on far too long, but seriously… romance is a big subject with me, I am very much a hopeless romantic type. Like, sending them flowers, going on picnics, love letters, looks across the room, that kind of sappy stuff that people usually are sick over. Not that I’m any good about being outspoken and romantic as when I do- rarely- express those kinds of things I get “oh no, they’re a weirdo” vibes and it makes me more and more uncertain about being confident with romance. So this post is as much for me as it is for the next person!
So, you want the advice of a romantic who has had no romantic relations? Here it is: People with crushes out there, make your feelings known either by very obvious hints or just directly telling them it’s easier for the both of you. New couples, affirm your interest in your partner, send them things, don’t be afraid to do cute things. Old couples, same thing, tell your partner you love them all the time, take them out, show them you care. Just because you’ve been together for a long time or you’re married doesn’t mean you have to stop doing nice things together. This is how I see things, if you agree with me, please let me know. Who thinks we should be more Pride and Prejudice about things and for it to be socially acceptable to be out in the open about feelings and such? Maybe we could form a group…