New years hump

YES! It’s 2015! Hoorah! This years going to be great! I’m going to exercise every day! I’m going to get a great job! I’m going to pursue my dream! Lets do this! WOO! … *reality sets in* What is my dream? I don’t don’t know how to life. What is life? How do you do the thing? What is the thing? Aaaaaah. *flails into infinity whilst crying*

Has this happened to you yet? Yeah, it happened to me today. My parents where excitedly showing me something that might help me with my future and I just suddenly couldn’t take it. It was like an arrow shot through the part of my heart that had aspirations. I snapped at them, I can’t quite remember what I said. I went to my room and started crying those new years tears of “this years going to suck like every other year” and then my Mum had to pep talk me.

I’m recovered now though… a bit. I just have no idea what I want to do with my life any more and it’s really frustrating. And this has only just occurred to me which is the most frustrating part of it. Like I’ve been living in with my head in the sand and I’ve only just pulled it out. But. I am a human. These things happen. We find lot’s of humps. Life isn’t about how long we can walk without facing a hump, it’s about how many humps we can get over and still be walking. So this might just be a bigger hump. And I might just need a climbing rope and an instruction guide called “climbing for idiots” and that’s ok. But we do need to walk and climb and struggle to get over these humps and that’s the hard part. That’s the part that I find tough.

See, I’m lazy and unmotivated when I don’t know how to do something, or when I don’t know what I want. When I find that thing, I can do the work for it easily but right now, I have absolutely no idea what I want to do and I know it’s not going to come to me on a silver plater. I’m lost. I can’t find the path that leads over this hump, it’s all just bushes and trees and vines. I don’t know how to deal with it, no-body else knows how to deal with it, so I have to do just random stuff until I find something that looks like an answer.

Arrrrgh it’s annoying. I am irritated. It’s like I have an itch that no matter how hard I scratch at it, it won’t go away and I have to find a certain cream to rub on it but the cream is in Albania. I’m sorry I being sad, but that’s life sometimes. I can’t always be opinionated and punchy and ready to tell it how it is and hopefully help people. Life is sometimes. Just. Sad. And it always seems to hit you the hardest but the truth is, it just hits you differently. So. We’ve got to get up. Give ourselves a slap in the face. And then give ourselves a hug. We have to go to the mirror every morning, look directly into our own eyes and say “everything’s going to be ok” without crying. Smile and dance in the mirror. Be brave. Try new food. Go sky diving. Have a cold shower.

Because everything will be ok. Sometimes we’ll be sad. And sometimes you just want to punch everyone who says “so what are you doing at the moment?” in the face. Sometimes the hump will be a mountain. But that mountain isn’t going to kill us, we’re not going to die. We might need a rest once in a while, but we’ll get over it. Sometimes life will be happy. Sometimes you’ll see a great film and have that feeling in your heart that lets you know that the world can be beautiful. Sometimes you’ll find happiness in seeing the simplest thing like a rainbow or a ladybug. And this is because we’re human. There’s no escaping it. So we just have to get on with it.

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